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pet # 3...my first one is on myspace [Aug. 19th, 2005|12:08 pm]

my pet!
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im making an adoption. you should too!! [Aug. 19th, 2005|11:55 am]
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]
[Current Music |dadadada. dadadada.]

my pet!
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good times [Aug. 13th, 2005|01:39 am]
[Current Mood |happyhappy]
[Current Music |radio song thats always on that i dont even like]

i dont really know exactly what the good time is right now lol. i dont have a specific topic that im writing about so that seemed generic enough. altho i can easily apply that expression to tonight. it's now 2 am and ive been talking to matt palmer sinse about 9 30 last night. and we've had brief BRIEF conversations in passing before i think only when we met, at the 60's thing at school where i complimented him on the beatles thing, and then we talked for a second after the jessie's gig. and he im'd me tonight and we've been talking non-stop. i love that. there are few people that i do that with right off the bat. and the reason people dont do that with everyone is kind of obvious. for me, the people i can talk to like that immediately upon meeting them, tend to be like another version of me, but not too much so so that i can still try to wow them with my 'philosophies' and views on life and such. some people think you're a fucking retard for the way you think, and others are amazed. it's not a matter of being cool or uncool, or being right or wrong, it's solely a matter of finding the people that like what you like and are similar to you. i think that's pretty much the basis of what i have to say tonight. and im so busy talking to this kid that i cant even be bothered with this lol. it's such a relaxing thing to do, just talking to someone who gets you and enjoys the discussion as well. it makes me happy, getting along with people, new friends, thinking WITH people. i dont know
life is just good. that's all
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updateee [Aug. 10th, 2005|01:20 am]
[Current Mood |bitchybitchy]
[Current Music |chris cornell.wave goodbye]

ok so i haven't written in a while because everytime i come on i feel like there's too much to say and im too lazy to take the time to type it all out. and now it's all piling up and i dont know if ill be able to write it all now. but i can try. where to start...i guess the fact that im allowed to see jerry now hehe. it's awesome. except that im still at my sister's so i cant see him all the time. but a few more weeks and we'll be able to hang out. he's got a gig this weekend, saturday the 13th, 8-10 pm at starbucks in avon at the bobs/borders plaza. he's playing an acoustic set with rob. should be fun. i feel like i dont sound enthused or interesting tonight. no exclamation points or smilies. this is not because im particulary in a bad mood, but just annoyed. jerry had to act all macho because rob was in the room and wouldnt talk to me the way he usually does. which even when there're people around he usually is still normal. but i called him on it and i was like dude just talk to me normal and he basically mocked me by acting like i wasnt asking him at all. like i would say c'mon, say goodbye like you usually do, what's the problem, and he would be like 'ok well i g2g'. so whoever was there with him wouldnt know what was going on. it was like he wasnt having the conversation with me. UGH asshole. he's never like that which is what totally gets me. so anyways mr macho man and i are allowed to be together again. he came to my party friday night. it was so amazing. being together and not puking from nervousness or worrying about getting caught. he came like 5 hours early and we hung out and sat and talked with my mom just like nothing ever happened. and then a couple hours later nate came. it was like old times, the 3 of us. he's finally back from greece and jerry and i are back together again. and they played foozball in my foyet which was just how it was a couple years ago when they were in gilbert, in the senior lounge. the good old days. so a lot of people ended up getting intercepted by parents, vacations and school things the night of my party, or i just didnt give them directions (dur??), but it ended up, i think, being much better with my better friends. lets see...nicholas, carmine, marisa, hannah, zack w, keith, jerry, nate, rob, travis, kenzi, vanessa....and i THINK that was it (i hope because i dont want to forget anyone :-/ ) so yea... it was alot of fun. and at the end of the night it was the old group together again, except rob (the new addition as ive been referring to him as) was there in place of cory, cuz he was on vacation. but the end of the night consisted of jerry, nate, me, trav and rob and there were guitars and fire and what not. it was good times. i had alot of other things to talk about tonight but now i dont remember and im just annoyed. so have an unannoyed night guys.
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lower levels :( [Aug. 1st, 2005|12:57 am]
[Current Mood |crushedcrushed]
[Current Music |fiona apple.sleep to dream]

*sigh* ive been up so high this past week. ive obtained the illusion(?) that everything's wonderful and getting better and nothing can get me. but something got me. i mean things have been amazing- ill be allowed to see jerry 5 days from now. even less actually now that it's 1 am. nate's back from greece. im not living with the todd. my mom's happy. dan's got a future. im not in trouble. the weather is warm. there're flowers outside my window. im getting to know olivia. i have food, a great new house, a queen size bed. crushed ice :)...im happy. but here's the wrench in my engine-
im just going to copy what i said to carmine because it's easier than retyping. and that's how uncaring a mood im in now. it's lowered me down so much so that it's not even worth my time, which i have infinite of, to retype it. and im not just being efficient. this is grade a laziness not caringness.
BigmouthInAComa: Worrrrd
withinthebricks: holla
BigmouthInAComa: So what's new?
withinthebricks: iiiidk.. ive been quite happy lately, but then tonight i got sad
BigmouthInAComa: Any reason?
withinthebricks: my sister and her bf, who im living with now wanted to go to lake compounce next sat. the 13th. and then their neighbor couple, jamie and melissa wanted to go. so i would totally be fifth wheel. so i was thinking that sinse ill be allowed to see jerry then it would be perfect for him to come along
withinthebricks: he can drive here, so they wouldnt have to pick him up, ill be allowed to see him, we would be supervised and plus we could all just spend time. and lake compounce has rides and stuff and you know im sure stuff like that is 2 people stuff. and on top of that im the young one, they're all upper 20's ish so it's just kind of annoying to feel that way. and so i brought it up
withinthebricks: and i said so i think jerry should come with us
withinthebricks: and my sister loves everyone, and she talks to strangers and all that- and idk if it's cuz of what happened with jerry or what but she goes "i dont think so"
withinthebricks: like quite surely and comfirmed
withinthebricks: and i wanted to cry. it made me so sad. and i stated my points and everything and plus, jerry and rob have a gig at starbucks that night and i wanted to go anyway. so it would just be convenient. so then she was like well idk. we'll see
withinthebricks: so there's some chance, and im gonna talk to my mom because i think SHE would be ok with it. i see no reason why not, i never would have thought susie would have a problem with it, i know her pretty well
BigmouthInAComa: Well that doesn't sound fun
withinthebricks: yea. it just kind of lowered me down a couple levels and i was up so so high
withinthebricks: i was having such a great great time being here and i love susie and jeff to death. and im not mad at her or anything but i feel sad. and not just the fact that he might not be there. that i can deal with. but i dont want everyone to hate jerry. i think he's been so great thru all of this, and i know they dont agree with what happened but they should be happy that ive got someone who will wait as long as he has to for me. he actually loves me and makes me feel happy and respected. i dont know what more they could want if they want what's best for me
BigmouthInAComa: I see
BigmouthInAComa: Sorry I'm not more helpful

so basically this is the issue^. and it's not earth-shattering, and i can deal with it. and ive dealt with worse obviously. but it's not a good thing. and when things are things other than good, it makes me be not happiness. plus, i was up sooooo high. i felt good every second of the day just all around. the kind of happy where you feel like you absolutely HAVE to hold your breath or you will scream out in glee, and you're scared you will because you have such a huge grin and it's hard to hold your breath when you smile so big. and when you hear something that hits close to home, no matter how simple or insignificante it may seem, when it has to do with your heart and your insides, it really hurts and makes you crash. i sort of shut down. im offended and upside down. im almost indifferent to everything right now. i dont even want to be giddy or happy. like, if given the choice to feel eccentrically happy again like i did yesterday i wouldnt even accept. i guess i probably get this way when im struck unexpectedly like that. i dont want to feel sad, so i dont want to feel at all. and i dont want to feel happy because then i can easily be shot down. my guard is up now. i dont know why it was down in the first place. i feel stupid. and im angry now. ugh. i dont like to say it because i disagree with these sorts of attitudes but i hate stuff right now. i know that really i love everything but im suppressing it because it let me down. URGGG im going now
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relocation and such [Jul. 29th, 2005|12:15 am]
[Current Mood |pleasedpleased]
[Current Music |bjork.acid jazz]

so i've relocated as of yesterday. im now in meriden living with my sister. the number, because i know you're interested, is 1 203 630 0279. and if you dont want to pay for long distance, you can call and have me call you right back because they have a free long distance plan :-D no excuses, so there.
and most of you already know, but im having a "party" at my house (in winsted)next friday, the 5th. nothing fancy, just all my friends having a good time cuz that's what we do, right? cool. and byyy the wayyyyyyyy i get to see jerry 1 week from right now!! can you believe it?? i never imagined the day coming!!! it's been 6 months almost. 6. and we maade it! this rocks my socks so hard. YES. i love my life sometimes. i dont live with my dad, im not working right now, nate's back, ill get to see jerry, ill be 16 woot, and jerry's getting me an ipod and i live with one of my best friends. i love my sister to death. i moved in yesterday, and sinse she's not working now either we just spend time talking, hanging out and playing with my niece, olivia. that's the only bad part about being here- i miss sophie. she's my 11 months old niece who's house i just moved out of. she's amazing. she loves me so much :). i saw her today and she got so excited cuz she was asleep when i had to leave yesterday :(. she practically jumped into my arms, and she's more playful than she is cuddly so it was soo cute when she just held onto me. but anyways, ive had a great day. except for the millipedes, altho they do seem to be subsiding. SO CREEPY! ok. my sister is like OCD about keeping this house clean. her worst nightmare, in her own words mind you, is being without windex. she sweeps and vaccuums constantly and cant move on to something else until the last thing she was doing is totally cleaned up. this is a brand new house, just built, but these millipedes seem to be infesting the downstairs as of a few weeks ago. coming in thru the garage or something. the way this house is set up, you can go in thru the garage and in that door, where there are stairs on the left going up, my room, my bathroom, laundry room and the theatre. if you go up the stairs it goes to the front door, and then you turn around and keep going up you go into the living room, and the kitchen, office, 2 other bedrooms and 2 bathrooms are up here. so there are random millipedes thruout the downstairs and last night i was afraid i was being loud because i was walking around carrying a shoe and smacking it on the ground every 2 seconds. and i kept shoes on too cuz i was scared lol. susie and i bought spray to kill them yesterday and we lined the edges of my room to make sure they wouldnt be coming in, and either i mushed all the ones in my room or the spray is working, or both. but there dont seem to be many IN my room now. there are still some in the theatre and laundry room and hall way and garage. but we'll spray those soon. and tonight i went to put laundry in and saw some on the floor so i ran back to my room and arrived back armed with a sneaker and a bottle of deathspray. i saw 2 crawling around, one was on the carpet and one was trying to get up a step but i swamped 'em in the white spray stuff. i got mad when they still moved cuz for some reason i thought they should have died on contact. but i went back in a minute and they were dead. YES. so i seem to be winning the millipede war at the moment, but who knows this could be just one battle. we'll see. and ill keep you updated.
anyways aside from that things are cool. ive got a drawer full of mints, twizzlers, mike and ikes, cowtail things, and some funyuns that i didnt finish. OH and i forgot i left my pepsi down there. ill have to go get that in a minute when i switch my laundry. so this has been my current millipede infested life, but im happy. i love you guysss have a millipede free day!!
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game time! [Jul. 26th, 2005|06:51 pm]
[Current Mood |nostalgicnostalgic]
[Current Music |away- the toadies]

01. Reply with your name and I'll write something about you.
02. I'll then tell what songs/movies remind me of you.
03. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
04. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
05. Then I'll tell you my silliest memory of you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal.
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long tiiiime [Jul. 26th, 2005|10:59 am]
[Current Mood |bouncybouncy]
[Current Music |inside my head- radiohead]

ok, so it's been what, a year and a half sinse ive written in this beast? i must not be dedicated. maybe things will turn around this time around. saying around twice in a row like that sounds so odd. so anyways fifi and dianaaa im looking for a response from you 2, considering you are my lovers and what not. i lurve you 2 more than anything good good times. so yup. that's about it.
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2/27/04 [Feb. 28th, 2004|03:35 pm]
nate and i threw a surprise party 4 jerry last night. his birthday...tried so hard 2 make every last detail work but everything kept changing and about an hour before it was spozed 2 start everything was perfect and then gina ruined it cuz shes big. so anyway. i dont feel like going into detail (aw i kno u all want 2 hear of our adventures!!) but i learned that doing stupid things that hurt ppl is stupid cuz it hurts ppl, and its not good. however if ur able to be a winner in the end, those things just bring u even closer together. and u really really really have to take the good with the bad because theres alot of bad but theres so much good too whether u realize or not. and im such a winner!! because i am so in love and ive never loved anyone this way in any of my lives. and even tho many times i dont believe it or feel it, theres certain times where theres absolutely no mistake of the fact that youre loved too..
..and sometimes i bottle things and dont let people know, but i love jerry more than anyone or anything in the world and im not going to stop. ill do anything for u i promise.
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current playlist [Feb. 26th, 2004|05:20 pm]
beatles-while my guitar gently weeps
david bowie-fame
smashing pumpkins-1979
nine inch nails-hurt
dispatch-flying horses
soundgarden-pretty noose
the doors-people are strange
the beatles-strawberry fields
drowning pool-bodies
george baker-little green bag
lauryn hill-oh happy day
kansas-carry on my wayward sun
the doors-riders on the storm
nine inch nails-closer
queen-crazy little thing called love
david bowie-space oddity
smashing pumpkins-disarm
john lennon-imagine
right said fred-im too sexy
rob zombie-house of 1000 corpses
soundgarden-head down
steve miller band-midnight toker
smashing pumpkins-rat in a cage
the doors-light my fire
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